Have you ever wondered why the person who hurt you seems to forget what they did, even though you remember every detail? Why can they sleep soundly while you're still awake, replaying every single moment? The answer lies in deep psychological concepts explained by Carl Jung. It explores why some people avoid accountability and how it impacts you.
The person who hurt you actually remembers everything they did. But they don't want to admit it. This is because of something Carl Jung called the "shadow self," which are the parts of ourselves we don't like. Instead of facing their own undesirable aspects, they make you carry that burden.
They don't truly forget; they choose to forget. This is because remembering would mean they have to take responsibility and change, which they find terrifying. These individuals build their lives around never confronting that fear. They use excuses like, "I don't remember it that way," or "You're being too sensitive". Jung called this their "persona," a mask they wear to hide their true selves.
When someone hurts you and acts like it didn't happen, they're living a "provisional life". This means they avoid becoming their true selves by staying comfortable and always believing they are right. They're also skilled at making their problems look like yours. They try to make you doubt your own memory and feelings. This is called gaslighting.
They also use "strategic silence" as a tool. Their silence isn't accidental; it's a deliberate way to wield power. When they say nothing, you start overthinking everything, trying to understand, hoping for answers that never come. This silence creates a psychological dependency, making you desperate for their acknowledgment, even leading you to be grateful for small bits of attention when they should be begging for forgiveness.
Some people always act as if they are innocent. This means they can never be wrong. They are remarkably good at emotional manipulation without even knowing it. Their ego, or self-image, is so inflated that it cannot handle any information that makes them look bad. So, when you ask them to be accountable, you are essentially asking them to dismantle their entire sense of self. That's why they can't do it.
They have convinced themselves they are not responsible for hurting you. They might even believe you forced their hand, or that they were the real victim. They live in their own constructed reality where they are always right.
Healthy guilt is like a guide that tells us when we've hurt someone and need to make things right. But emotionally immature people see guilt as an attack. They avoid their own "darkness" by making you deal with it instead.
When you ask for accountability from someone who avoids responsibility, you are asking them to change their entire way of thinking. They perceive your pain as an attack, not as information. Your request for understanding becomes a battle cry for them, and your vulnerability becomes something they can exploit.
Jung understood that not everyone is at the same level of emotional growth. Some people simply can't reach the point of being honest. They will offer you excuses, silence, or change the subject, but never genuine acknowledgment. The apology you never received isn't about your worth; it's about their limited emotional capacity. True apologies require a person to accept both their good and bad sides. Not everyone can do this.
The most important truth is that you cannot force "unconscious" people to become "conscious". You can't make someone see something they are determined to ignore. You also can't make someone emotionally mature if they are committed to staying immature. The best thing you can do for yourself is to accept this reality.
Citation:
Mind Dose. (2025, Juni 27). They Hurt You And Act Like Nothing Happened — Here's The Real Reason Why - Carl Jung [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2sRQTyuLRU&list=WL&index=42
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